Encounter: Chapter 1 - 18 (Complete)

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Encounter

Chapter 1

“So this is the Normandy?  I’ve got to admit, it’s one of the more impressive vessels I’ve boarded.”

I turned to the newest member of my crew, Kasumi Goto, a thief so legendary that few know of her.  We needed her on our side, according to Cerberus at least.  Before she could give me her undivided loyalty, she had a favor to ask of me.  How could I refuse?  I was anxious to see her skills put to the test, so I had agreed to help her.  But the first step was getting her settled on board her temporary home.

Kasumi stepped off of the Citadel platform and onto the Normandy’s bridge.  Joker, hearing her voice, turned his seat around to greet the new arrival.

“Welcome aboard!  Don’t ever touch anything up here or I’ll have to kill you.  I have my ways.  Fair warning.”  Joker saluted and turned back to face the controls.

“Pleasant, that one,” Kasumi chided.

“That would be Joker, and in addition to his endless wit, he also happens to be the best pilot in the galaxy.  He’ll grow on you,” I said with a smile.  “You’ll get to know all of the crew in time.  Let me show you to your quarters.”

“I can take care of that, Commander.  I’m Kelly Chambers, Commander Shepard’s assistant.”

I nodded appreciatively. I had more work to do on pending missions, and I had already taken precious time to return to the Citadel for our new asset.  “Thank you, Kelly.  Kasumi, take your time getting settled.  You can debrief me on your situation in the morning.”

Turning to face me, I could see the urgency in Kasumi’s face.  “I can debrief you on the way to our destination.  Tell your witty pilot to head to Bekenstein in the Serpent Nebula cluster.  It's not a long journey from here.  In the meantime, put this on.  Meet me in your shuttle bay in 2 hours.  There’s a window of opportunity we can’t miss.”

I seethed inwardly.  Everything’s always mission critical.  I didn't need another crew member telling me where our priorities lie.  But by the small crack in her voice, I knew this was her only focus.  Until it was removed, I couldn't depend on her services. "Joker, you heard our new guest.  Get us to Bekenstein, double time."

Taking the small package from her, I headed for my quarters.  Upon opening it, I couldn’t believe what I was seeing.

“A leather dress?  She can’t be serious.”  I laughed to myself.  The last time I had worn something like this was for a private dinner date back on Earth with Kaidan.  After we had defeated Saren, we were given much needed shore leave.  He had wanted me to meet his parents in Vancouver, and he couldn’t wait to take me to his favorite sushi restaurant.  I had changed into a tight black dress for the occasion, revealing a side of me he’d never seen before.  The sushi was good, but the dessert back at his parent’s private beach house was better.

I looked at the dress again.  “Well, why not.  You only live twice.”

____

Chapter 2

The dress fit, although it was a tight squeeze in places.  I glanced at myself in the mirror.  I felt ridiculous.  This was far outside the realm of my comfort zone, but I convinced myself it was must be necessary for the mission.

Joker’s voice came over the intercom.  “ETA in 10 minutes, Commander.”

“Thanks, Joker.  I’m on my way to the shuttle bay.”

The shuttle bay.  I had to walk through the crew’s quarters to get there.  I could imagine the comments this outfit would generate.  Well, there’s no help for it.  I looked at myself again in the mirror.  I felt like I was missing something.  Then I remembered – a silver necklace that Kaidan had given me.  That would be the perfect addition.  I hadn’t worn it since I had been, well, revived.  I don’t even know how the Illusive man was able to get it.  Kaidan had found it at a little jewelry kiosk in the Citadel.  He had been so nervous to give it to me.  I’m sure he didn’t know how I’d react to such a gift.  Much to his visible relief, I loved it.  Even more so, at that moment, I knew I loved him.

I quickly opened my bedside dresser drawer, put on the necklace, and left my quarters.

I exited the elevator, quickly jogging to my destination.  The less time I spent out in the open, the better.  I turned a corner and slammed right into the arms of Thane.

“Shepard!  Commander.  My apologies.”

“Thane!”  I struggled to regain composure.  “No need to apologize.  I’m in a hurry.  Trying to avoid too much attention actually.  You understand.  I know this outfit isn’t standard issue.  It’s for a mission."  I could feel myself blushing.  "I can explain later.”

Thane’s eyes were hard to read, but I could imagine they were memorizing every detail of this moment.  “Don’t feel the need to explain yourself to me, Commander.  I know that whatever you do, you have good reasons…and intentions.”

This could not be more awkward.

“Commander?”  I saw Garrus walking quickly toward us.

Okay, now this couldn’t be more awkward.

“Garrus, what do you need?  I’m in a hurry.”

He eyed Thane with…was that suspicion?  Then he looked back at me.  “I overheard briefly that you’re headed down to Bekenstein to procure an item from Donovan Hock.  I have personal business to settle with him.  I’m going with you.”

Before I could respond, a voice broke in from behind me.  “That’s not necessary.”

I jumped.  How long had Kasumi been standing there?  I made a mental note to always check my back aboard the Normandy from now on.

Garrus had a look of surprise.  “I think that’s the Commander’s call, Goto.  There’s a chain of command here, and you’d better learn to respect it.”

Wonderful, Kasumi’s already making rifts in the crew, I thought to myself.  “Garrus, as much as I would appreciate another hand, I think that the fewer people we have on this mission, the less suspicion we’ll raise with Hock.”

Garrus sighed.  “All right, Commander.  But Hock is ruthless.  Don’t take any big risks down there.  We can’t afford to lose you to a damn merc.”

“Understood, Garrus.  Kasumi, let’s head out.”

____

Chapter 3

“You clean up well, Allison Gunn.”

“Allison Gunn?  I’m assuming that’s my cover.”

“Yes, and I’ve taken the time to make you quite infamous.  You’ll fit right in.”

“Fit right in where?  Why am I wearing this ridiculous dress?”

“You look great, Commander.  You should wear things like that more often.”

Wear things like this more often.  That would really garner the respect of my crew.

“We’re heading to a party Donovan Hock is throwing for his colleagues, some of the most ruthless criminals in the galaxy.  It would look a little odd attending the party in your armor, don’t you think?”

“Speaking of armor…” I started.

Kasumi interrupted me.  “I have that covered.  You’ve given Hock a gift.  A beautiful gold statue of Saren, your nemesis you defeated two years ago.  The statue will be moved to the vault, which is where the grey box will be.  Enclosed in the statue is armor and weapons, everything you’ll need.  Don’t worry, you can carry a pistol into the party.  They won’t begrudge a small side-arm.”

We sat in silence for a few moments as we neared Hock’s mansion.

“Are you all right, Commander?”

“Something you mentioned is bothering me.  You said that this grey box contains information that would be harmful to humanity and the Alliance.  What do you plan on doing with the box once you have it?”

Kasumi looked straight ahead, determination on her face.  “Hock took everything from me.  My love…Kaiji…his memories are stored on that grey box.  That’s all I want.  I don’t care about anything else.  Shepard, you have my word that I won’t use the information to harm anyone.  I just want any sliver of Kaiji back that I can get.  And I want Hock to pay for what he’s done.”  She turned to look at me.  “You understand that, don’t you Shepard?  When you lose someone, you’ll do anything to have a part of them back.”

I felt the weight of the necklace pressing on my skin.  “Yes, Kasumi, I can understand that.”

We landed the shuttle outside of Hock’s mansion.  It was enormous and elaborate; I have to admit that it surprised me.  I wondered how many people must have suffered to create all of this luxury.  I thought back to the orphans on the Citadel, the honest families on Omega barely getting by while men like Hock took what little they had away from them.  I was beginning to relish the thought of taking something away from him.  I hoped I’d get to see the look on his face when he realized he’d been played.

I walked toward the entrance and, I noted, several Eclipse mercs.  A well-dressed man in a white suit approached us.

“I’m Donovan Hock.  And you are?”

“Allison Gunn.  A pleasure.”  I reached out to shake his hand, but he didn’t reciprocate.  Hock, you’re an easy man to hate, I thought.  That will make all of this a lot easier.

Beside me, the statue of Saren was being inspected.  Where in the world did Kasumi get such a thing?  It was absolutely gaudy.  My mind wandered - I wondered what the official story was on Saren’s death.  I’m sure no one knew the truth, that he shot himself in the final moments.  I’ll have to ask Agent Bailey the next time I’m by the Citadel.

The guard was eying the statue warily.  “I’m not picking up anything, Mr. Hock.”

“I’m sure our guests wouldn’t have travelled all this way to cause trouble,” Hock remarked with a smirk.  “Take it to the vault.”  I inwardly sighed in relief.  The first hurdle was crossed.

As Kasumi and I headed toward the entrance, Hock blocked our path.  “I’m sorry, Ms. Gunn, but your friend will need to stay outside.”

The second hurdle.

“May I ask why my friend can’t accompany me?”

“She’s not on the list.  You understand.  It’s standard procedure.  She can wait outside.”

I tried to look indifferent.  “All right, I understand.  She’ll wait outside, then.”

Wonderful.  I pulled Kasumi aside.  “What’s the plan?” I asked.

“Don’t worry, I’ll be following as closely as I can.  We’ll have to figure it out as we go.  First things first; head to the vault so we know what we’re up against.  Oh, and one more thing.  Hock’s paranoid; there are cameras and bugs everywhere.  Watch what you say and do.  Try to look natural at all times.”

What does she mean when she said she’ll be following me?  I remembered the encounter in the hallway of the Normandy.  Well, I wanted to see her skills put to the test, I thought, so let’s just view this as an opportunity to see what she can really do.  Cameras and bugs will be a bit of a challenge.  Asking a soldier to act natural in a black leather dress is a bit of a tall order.  Let’s see how long we can go before trouble shows up.

I entered the mansion and tried to get my bearings.  A sweeping staircase dominated my view, with a stunning panorama of the ocean behind it.  Galleries flanked either side of the entryway, and soft music mixed with the hum of conversation filled my ears.

Act natural.  It was my mantra.  I looked at other women, trying to mimic their tall postures.  I was already getting glances as I walked further into the lion’s den.  Surely no one here would recognize me.  They all think I’m dead, anyway.  Even if they knew my face, they could never picture me in this get-up.  Is that asari staring at me?  Act natural!

I walked through the main hall, scanning the area for any signs of a vault.  I looked over the crowd, trying to count how many Eclipse mercs I’d probably be fighting through later.  There were so many people here: turians, salarians, asari, humans...wait, is that?

My heart jumped into my throat.  I felt like my feet froze to the floor.  Spots began to float in front of my eyes.  My mind started racing as fast as my pulse.  It can’t be.  That would be crazy.

A man was standing in the corner of the gallery, drink in hand.  Black slacks, black button down shirt with the top button undone, piercing brown eyes, full black hair…Kaidan.

My gaze had obviously lingered too long.  Before I could get my legs to move, his head turned and…

Oh no.

…his eyes met mine.

___

Chapter 4

Move, Shepard, move!  I was screaming to myself internally.  Finally, I managed to pull myself together.  Turning around, I made a swift retreat to the nearest guard.

“Excuse me, where’s the restroom?”

“Down this hall and to your left, ma’am.”

I didn’t bother to thank him.  I needed to get away, time to think.  I felt naked without my armor.  What was Kaidan doing here?  He’s got to be undercover for the Alliance.  I groaned.  Please, Kaidan, don’t be after that box.  Unfortunately, it was the only thing that made sense.  The grey box had damning information about the Alliance, and I’m sure Admiral Hackett would do anything necessary for damage control.  Why send Kaidan?  There are a million other Alliance officers that would have been up for the task.  How in the world does he plan on breaking into the vault?  Is he alone?  He can’t be; that would be suicide.

Finally, the bathroom.  As the doors slid open, I darted inside and watched them close behind me, the glaring orange “Occupied” signal blinking.  I walked over to the sink, looking at myself in the mirror.

“First he sees me with Cerberus.  Now he sees me with murderers and thieves!  This just keeps getting better.”

“Shepard.”

I jumped, quickly drawing my pistol.  I breathed a sigh of relief.  “Kasumi.  Have you been following me the entire time?”

“Of course.  You underestimate me.  I saved up for years to obtain my cloaking technology on Illium.  It’s not on the normal bills of sale, but I pulled in a few favors.”

She came and stood beside me, looking at my reflection.  “I’ve downloaded a schematic of the mansion, along with where each security camera and bug is located.”

I glanced around the ornate bathroom.  “Speaking of which…”

“Don’t worry, Shepard.  Even Hock has the decency to let his guests use the facilities in peace.  There aren’t too many other places with that luxury, however.”

She paused.  “So, who is he?”

I chewed my lower lip.  So she saw me freeze out there and heard my earlier comment in here.  My options are to play dumb or tell her the truth.  I figured there wasn’t much chance of successfully lying my way out of this, especially if Kaidan were to confront me during the mission.  I turned to face her.

“His name is Kaidan Alenko.  He’s a former crewmate.  We served on the first Normandy together with the Alliance.  He was beside me when we defeated Saren.  I know that he still serves the Alliance, and the only reason he could be here is the same reason we’re also here.  He must be after the information on that box.”

“How close are you?  By that, I mean, what are our options?  I could incapacitate him easily if you get him alone.  We have to get to that box first.”

I shook my head.  “Kasumi, you can’t hurt him.  He’s a friend…was a friend.  It’s complicated.  I suppose I should tell you.  You’d find out sooner or later after being on the Normandy.”  I tried to think of how to put this in perspective.  “The easiest way for you to understand is, well…he was my ‘Kaiji’.”

Kasumi took a deep breath, then nodded.  “That makes this more complicated.”

“You’ve got that right,” I said flatly.

“Now I ask you, Shepard, what do you plan to do?  If he is your former love, would you choose him over me?  Who are you willing to assist?”

Honestly, I hadn’t thought about it until that moment.  If I had the box, who would I give it to?  On one hand, it belongs to Kasumi by right, and I have her word she won’t use the information for harm.  Even though I just met her, I believe her.  On the other hand, if the information is critical for the Alliance to contain, and if giving the box to Kasumi means hurting Kaidan’s mission and any chance of repairing our relationship…

I rubbed my temples, trying to sort everything out.  I knew we had precious little time.  I tried to avoid answering her question directly.  If he got to the box first, there wouldn’t be much we could do about it.  I found myself almost hoping that we’d get to the vault and find it was already taken.  “I would prefer to stick to our original plan, as if he wasn’t here.  Hopefully, I can avoid him and we can get to the box first.  Maybe that’s not even why he’s here.  It’s just an assumption on my part.  If he is here for the box and gets to it first…I guess we’ll deal with that if it happens.”

“And if he finds you and confronts you?  Begins asking you questions?  With the cameras and bugs, he would blow your cover.  And his.”

“Kaidan knows better than that.  If we can’t avoid each other, maybe I could somehow discretely find out why he’s really here.”

Kasumi opened her omni-tool, scanning the layout of the mansion.  “If you want to hold a conversation with no eyes or ears, there’s only one other place you could go.”

“Where?”

Kasumi looked up from the results of her scan.  “Hock’s private quarters.  His bedroom.”
___

Chapter 5

I raised an eyebrow.  “His bedroom?  I guess that makes sense.  I’m sure Hock wants to make sure what happens in there stays that way.”

Kasumi resumed analyzing the schematics.  “The entrance is to the right of the main staircase, but it’s guarded.  I’d say forget it, unless you can find another way in.  It’s not our primary focus.  The vault is.  I need a good look at it before I can figure out how to crack it.  Your…friend…is probably already two steps ahead of us.  We need to get moving.”

“Right.”  This seemed to be getting more and more complicated.  What in the world happened to the plan of walking in, getting the box, and sneaking back out?  “Kasumi, after we’re through with this, you can keep your cloak and dagger missions.  I’m realizing I’m more the ‘shoot mercs, save hostages’ type.”

Kasumi smiled.  “I’m sure we’ll get to the ‘shoot mercs’ part eventually.”

Let’s hope no one plays the role of the hostage in this one, I thought grimly.

Kasumi showed me a quick diagram of the first floor.  “The vault is down a stairwell behind the grand staircase in the main hall.  Head there.  In the meantime, I’ll be picking the lock on security.  I need to hack into their system to gain control of the cameras.  Once I break in, I’ll disable the one for the vault.  Then I’ll meet you down there.  Watch out for the guards.  They make the rounds at random intervals."

She reactivated her cloak.  I took a deep breath and walked out of the bathroom.  I was half expecting Kaidan to be waiting outside.  He wasn’t.

The stairwell behind the grand staircase.  I walked slowly into the main hall.  I glanced over at the corner of the gallery, but as I expected, Kaidan was gone.  Taking time to let my eyes sweep over my surroundings, I couldn’t see him anywhere.  I didn’t know whether to feel relieved or disappointed.

Donovan was standing in front of the staircase, busy entertaining a salarian and his asari consort.  I spotted a set of stairs leading underneath the main hall.  That must be it.  Making a wide circle around Hock, I looked left, then right.  No one was watching.  I quickly ducked down the stairwell to the vault.

With each step I took, I couldn’t help but wonder at the seeming coincidence of Kaidan’s presence.  The more I thought about it, the more confused I became.  This can’t be chance.  But then, what is it?  Who else knew that Kasumi and I would be here?  There’s the crew on the Normandy, but none of them have ties with the Alliance.  Would Kasumi have told anyone else of this mission?  No, it's too important to her to be that careless.  Then it dawned on me.

The Illusive Man.  He’s the only one that knew we’d be here specifically for the grey box.  He’s also the only one that would have the connections to leak information to the Alliance.  If the data on that box is a threat to humanity, the Illusive Man would want to see it suppressed.  That double-crossing bastard.  But why Kaidan?

Before I realized it, I was standing in front of that garish statue of Saren.  To my left was the entrance to the vault.  I began to scan it with my omni-tool, feeding information to Kasumi.  I heard movement behind me.  The guards.  Quickly, I pulled my pistol and spun around, leveling it at…Kaidan?

Instinctively, his biotics began to glow blue.  “Shepard, stop.”

Seeing him standing right in front of me, memories came flooding back - our talks in engineering, the night before Ilos and all the days after, then watching him walk away on Horizon.  I shut my eyes tightly, fighting to regain control. “Kaidan, what the hell are you doing here?”  I let my pistol drop to my side.

His biotics went dark.  “That’s my line,” he said, a hint of anger in his voice.

I wasn’t in the mood to back down. I jammed my pistol back in its holster.  “We have two options.  Either we try to drag information out of each other, or stay out of each other’s way.”

Before he could reply, we both heard heavy footfalls.  They were getting louder by the moment.  Definitely the guards this time.

Kaidan started moving toward me.  “We can argue later.  Right now, we’ve got to hide.” Grabbing my arm, he hastily pulled me toward the statue.  He placed himself behind it, and then pulled me between him and the wall.  It was a tight fit.  He was forced to position his arms around my waist to the small of my back.  I wrapped mine around his shoulders, trying to take up as little space as possible.

“Did I hurt you?” he whispered, his lips brushing my ear.

I managed to whisper back.  “I’m fine, you?”

“Never better.”

I wasn’t sure how to interpret that.

The louder the footsteps grew, the less I cared.  My mind was overwhelmed by the feeling of his chest pressing against mine.  His breath on my neck, the beating of his heart, and the warmth of his body were some marvelous kind of torture.  I could only imagine what he must be thinking.

The footsteps stopped.  Muffled sounds, then a thud followed by silence.  “You can come out now, Shepard.”

Kasumi.

__

Chapter 6

Hearing Kasumi’s voice snapped me back to reality.  The mission.

I felt Kaidan’s body tense against mine.  We were pressed so close together that I wasn’t able to see the look on his face.

I held him tighter.  I couldn’t help it.  I didn’t want to move.  Even though we were so close, I felt we couldn’t be farther apart.  He misinterpreted my intentions.  His arms squeezed my frame in response, his body shielding me as his biotics started to glow.

I realized he didn’t know if Kasumi was a threat.  “Don’t worry, it’s safe,” I said quietly.

He relaxed his hold.  “I think staying out of each other’s way isn’t an option,” he said dryly.  “We need to talk.  Alone.”

He gently unwrapped his arms from around me as I slid myself out of our hiding place.  It felt cold without him near me.  Kasumi was facing away from us, busily inspecting the vault for herself.  I turned to see Kaidan standing behind me, a furrowed brow betraying the inner conflict he must have been feeling.  He was eying Kasumi with distrust.

Before I could think of what to say, she broke the silence.  “Kaidan, I’m Kasumi.  She informed me of your presence here and that you served together before.  Shepard is here at my request.  Hock stole something from me and placed it in this vault.” She turned, her face full of determination.  “I need it back.  If you also need something from the vault, perhaps we could work together.”

I tried to interject, but she didn’t miss a beat.

“I had to take care of the guards in the security room to disable the vault’s camera, and of course, there’s the matter of this guard here.”  She gestured to the unmoving body down the hallway.  She handed me a small walkie.  “They communicate with these.  I can cover our tracks for a while, but sooner or later, they’ll discover something’s not right.”

Kaidan opened his mouth to speak, but Kasumi cut him off.  “This vault needs Hock’s DNA, a voice imprint, and a power surge for me to get it open.  Let’s each take a task, split up, and meet back here in twenty.”

“Excuse me?” Kaidan was incredulous.  “Let me be clear from the beginning.  I’m not helping you or who you work for.”

“Let me be clear, this mission is too important to me to fail and you’re either on our side or in my way.  I’ll never get a chance like this again, and regardless of how much Shepard cares for you, I will remove you if I have to,” Kasumi snapped back, her fists clenched.

I threw my hands in the air.  “Time out.  Can we just calm down, take a step back, and evaluate this situation?  Kasumi, I’m here to help you, but I’m leading this mission and we do it my way.”  She wasn’t used to working under someone, I was beginning to realize.  I was losing my patience with her domination over my authority and her careless words.  How dare she tell Kaidan I cared for him?  That was something only I was meant to say to him, my way and at the right time.  My frustration level was at an all time high.

“Kaidan, Kasumi was out of line.  I know you would never go against the Alliance to help me.”  Damn it.  I immediately regretted saying that, but it was too late to retract. 

Kaidan’s voice was bitter.  “First of all, that stung.  You should know me better than that.  Second of all, I don’t trust her.”  His eyes flicked over to Kasumi.  “I want to talk, but only to you.”

Kasumi calmed down, her voice back to its normal lilt.  “May I remind you that this is not a place to hold a lengthy dialogue?  Sooner or later, Hock’s security system will analyze this conversation through the bugs nearby and start sending every merc in this place to our location.”

I remembered Kasumi’s previous recommendation.  He wants to talk, alone, with no cameras or bugs.  Hock’s bedroom.  She noticed the awkward look on my face.  Again, before I could even form the words to say, Kasumi started talking.  “There’s a simple solution.  We need Hock’s DNA, you need a place to talk in privacy.  Hock’s private quarters are the perfect place.  You gather DNA, I’ll gather the voice sample.”  She began to leave, then stopped and turned to Kaidan.  “And for the record, I don’t trust you, either.”  She activated her cloak and was gone.

__

Chapter 7

I stood staring at the place Kasumi had disappeared.  Was she even listening when I said I was leading this mission?

I faced Kaidan, trying to keep a look of indifference despite the emotional ache I felt.  “I’m headed to Hock’s quarters.  If you still want to talk, come along.  Otherwise, good luck.  Stay safe.”  With a lump in my throat, I began walking away.

Why do I feel so defensive when I’m around him?  Like I have to prove myself, show him that I know what I’m doing.  After Horizon, I had vowed to tell him my feelings if I ever saw him again.  Now that the moment had come, I found it was harder than I imagined.  It’s never the right time.

It’s not too late.  I wanted to stop and turn around, to see if he was still standing there.  I slowed my pace, but I just couldn’t bring myself to do it.  My stubbornness was in the way.  Showing my emotions was not my strong suit.

The further I walked, the more my heart sank.  If he doesn’t follow me, maybe we’re not meant to be.  I had reached the bottom of the stairwell.  As I began to ascend to the main hall, I felt what I had been praying for.  A hand grabbed mine.  I looked to see Kaidan beside me with that piercing gaze that always broke down my resistance.

“I’m coming with you.” 

I smiled at him for the first time since Horizon.  “I’m glad.”

He intertwined is fingers in mine.  “I think we’d look less suspicious if we acted like a couple.  There aren’t many solitary guests at this party.”

As much as I tried to fight it, my smile widened.  “I could fetch you an asari for that.”

He smiled back.  “I prefer what I’ve got.”

“Before we go, we need a plan.  The main entrance to Hock’s quarters is guarded.  We’ll have to find another way in.”

Kaidan thought for a moment.  “I have an idea.  Follow my lead.”

We walked up the stairway, hand in hand.  He led us onto the back deck overlooking the peaceful terrain, which was in direct contrast to the present company at Hock’s mansion. Mountains soared over the undulating ocean, and a soft breeze tousled my hair.  The sound of the waves brought back memories of the beach house.  Kaidan brought his hand to my face, tucking the wayward strands behind my ear.  If only this were a different place, a different time…

He gestured at a window beside the deck.  “Through there is Hock’s bedroom.  A couple of guards are in the way, but they’re out of sight.  If we immobilize them discretely, we’d be in without anyone knowing.”

“One guard for each of us.”  I unsnapped my pistol holster.  “On my mark.”

I walked over to the balcony and casually leaned over the side to get a better view of our targets.  Two mercs were facing away from us with relaxed postures.  I’m sure they thought it would be easy money when they signed up for this job.  When I felt Kaidan squeeze my shoulder, I knew we were clear.  Just like old times.

I quietly vaulted over the deck and took cover by the nearest beam.  Kaidan was right beside me.  I nodded once, then pointed to his position.  He nodded in return.

A flash of blue – warp – and the first guard was in the air.  I fired two shots.  He was down.  Before the second guard could react, Kaidan had him pinned.  Headshot.  We froze in position, pistols ready.  No alarms sounded, no noise of backup.  I breathed a sigh of relief.  We were clear.  He leaned over and whispered, “Bag ‘em and tag ‘em.”  I rolled my eyes.  For all the things that change…

I put a clean shot through the window and it broke easily.  Careful of broken glass, Kaidan helped me climb through.  Once inside, we took stock of our surroundings.

I expected Hock’s private quarters to be elaborate, but this was over the top.  Antiques hung on the wall, with large seating areas.  He could host another entire party in here.  A giant bed was directly in the middle of the room.  I guess we know Hock’s main focus.

So here we are, I thought to myself.  Here to play the game of giving just enough information without saying too much while trying to trap the other into spilling their mission objective.  It was a game I was good at with con men and politicians, but with Kaidan?  It’s too personal.  Whereas minutes before, I felt like melting into his gaze, I could now feel my defenses starting to return.

He was facing away from me, leaning with his arms on the back of the leather couch.  “You kept the necklace.”

I had forgotten that I was wearing it.  “It’s one of the only things I have left from before the crash.”

Kaidan’s voice was barely a whisper.  “Is what she said true?”

Is what true?  About our mission?  The vault?  That I was here on her request?  I was confused.  “Excuse me?”

He stood in silence, his head bowed.  Finally, he spoke. 

“Do you care for me?”

__

Chapter 8

Of everything he could ask, about Kasumi, about the mission, this was his question?

I chose my words carefully.

“Of course I care for you.  I don’t think a day goes by without me thinking of you.”

Still facing away from me, he clenched his fists.  “Then why did you leave me?  Where were you for two years that would justify putting me through so much pain?”

I walked forward and stood behind him.  “I know this is hard to accept, but I died out there.  One minute, I’m floating away from the Normandy and my suit is losing pressure.  The next minute, I wake up in a lab.  I had no idea two years had passed.  As soon as I could, I went to the Citadel to ask Anderson where you were.  He wouldn’t tell me.  I had been searching for you ever since, until Horizon.”

I rested my hands on his shoulders.  “I never stopped caring for you.  I never stopped loving you.”

He turned to face me, his voice cold.  “But now we’re on different sides.”

I was stunned.  So many nights, I had imagined how our next encounter might go.  It took everything in me to confess I still had feelings for him.  Was I wrong when I sensed there was something between us just moments ago?  Did he feel anything when we were so close in the vault, when we were hand-in-hand on the stairwell?

I tried to contain my frustration.  “After everything I just said, that’s your response?”

He looked me in the eye.  “You don’t know what I’ve been through, what it’s been like to believe you were dead.  I wished I would have died with you.  When I heard you were actually alive, I had to endure a completely different kind of pain.  I thought that you hadn’t died but chose to leave me instead.”

I took a step back, my frustration turning into anger.  “And now I’m telling you the truth!  Are you blaming me for what you went through?  Everything that happened was out of my control!  Because Cerberus is helping me fight the Collectors, it’s like nothing I say to you has any weight.”  I couldn’t look at him anymore.  I turned away, trying to fight tears.  “I don’t know what you want me to say.  There’s nothing else I can say.  Two years went by for you, seconds for me.  You’ve had time to move on.  I haven’t.  That is my pain.”

Before I could continue, Kaidan grabbed my hand and turned me around.  Suddenly, I was in his arms and his lips found mine.  It all happened so fast.  By the time I finally realized he had kissed me, Kaidan was looking into my eyes, searching for confirmation.

I ran my fingers through his hair and pulled him toward me, kissing him fiercely.  He grabbed my hips and pressed his torso into mine.  I kissed him harder in response.  His smell and his taste overwhelmed my senses.  I could feel every muscle through the thin fabric of his clothing, but I wanted to be closer.  I backed him against the nearest wall.  His lips trailed down my neck as I untucked his shirt.  My hands found their way underneath it, and my fingers ran the length of his chest and abdomen.  They were perfect, just as I remembered them.

I fumbled with his belt, trying desperately to take it off without being forced to stop kissing him.  I felt his hand running down my thigh and up my skirt.  I moaned his name…”Kaidan…”

The walkie crackled to life.  “Shepard, I have the voice imprint but I need that DNA.  I’m by the vault but I can’t wait much longer; the guards are on the move.  Do you copy?”

Damn it, Kasumi!

Kaidan rested his head against the wall.  “You have a job to do.”

I kissed him.  “Promise me we can finish what we started?”

He smiled.  “You have my word.”

I straighted my dress while Kaidan tucked in his shirt and rebuckled his belt.  Suddenly, the door to the bedroom slid opened.  Hock, clapping, walked into the room followed by four mercs.

“How touching.  Two lovers, a quarrel, and so close to using my bed.  I’m sorry you were interrupted.  But I thank you for providing me such wonderful entertainment.  Now, toss your weapons to me or my guards will kill you.  Don’t make me clean up your guts from my antique swords.”  Hock folded his arms nonchalantly.  “And don’t think of trying your biotics on me.”

“You son of a bitch,” I snarled.  Reluctantly, Kaidan and I threw our pistols aside.

The guards came forward and bound our hands.  Hock stood in front of me, looking me up and down. “Shepard, the legend back from the dead.  You’d fetch a nice price.”

I spat in his face.  He laughed, then backhanded me.  Kaidan started for Hock, but a guard punched him in the gut.  He doubled over, coughing.

Hock slowly walked a circle around both of us.  “There’s something more valuable to me, however.  We could make a deal.”

I struggled against the wrist ties.  “If you think I’d do anything for you, you’re insane.”

Hock nodded to a guard, who drew his rifle and pointed it at Kaidan’s head.

“I don’t think you’re in a position to bargain, Shepard.”

__

Chapter 9

Shoot mercs, rescue hostages, right Shepard? I chided myself.  I thought back to Garrus’ warning right before we left.  I should have been more careful.  But Kasumi had assured me this room wasn’t monitored.  I didn’t even question that she might have been wrong.  I had no idea how to get out of this.  I needed more information and time to think.  I especially needed to get out of these wrist ties.

“What do you want me to do?”

Hock chuckled.  “Patience, Shepard.  Let me enjoy the victory a bit longer.  You followed the script brilliantly.”

“What are you talking about?” I snapped.  I was struggling against the ties.  I could feel them biting into my skin, drawing blood.

“Shall I lay it all out for you?  It will dovetail perfectly into what you’re going to do for me next.”  A merc kicked the back of my legs, forcing me on my knees.  Hock pulled up a chair directly in front of me.  Sitting down, he leaned forward.

“I take part in all kinds of deals, but my capital of choice is information.  It has the ability to force people to do what you want.  More powerful than money or weapons, the threat of exposure brings presidents to their knees.  Much like you are now.”

I glared into his eyes.  “Get to the point.”

“That box your after has extremely sensitive information that I want.  It was stored in the body of a petty hacker.  I paid a fortune to have him brought here to me.  He was easy to eliminate.  But his encryption methods were good.  Too good.  The only information we could extract was a face from a small sliver of a single memory we cracked open.” 

He leaned back in the chair.  “Kasumi Goto, thief and assassin.  She was the key to unlock the memories surrounding the encryption.  I had to create an opportunity to bring that missing piece to me.”

Hock stood and began pacing again.  “She’s dangerous; I needed to control when and in what way she would come to me.  But how could I create the trap?”  He paused and turned toward me.  “Savior Shepard, back from the dead, is working with Cerberus to once again save humanity.  Word got around that you were building a crew to take on the Collectors.  I fed a dossier to Cerberus.  You took the bait.  All that was left was to leak that I was throwing an elaborate party with an extensive guest list, which would give any thief easy access to my location.  With you on Goto’s side, she’d be confident enough to try and take the box.”

He clapped his hands together and laughed manically.  This man is certifiable.  We’ve got to get the hell out of here.

“I was so pleased when you arrived!  The trap was set.  I couldn’t make it too easy for you or your suspicions would be raised.  It was very precise, the level difficulty I gave you.  Having Goto wait outside was only the first diversion I knew you would overcome.” 

He sat back down in front of me, his sour breath hitting my face.  “After sneaking in, what would she do first?  Download schematics for cameras or bugs.  How convenient that it showed this room being devoid of both.  With a vault needing my DNA, what better place to get it than from my seemingly unobserved private quarters?  I even replaced some of the plates of bulletproof glass so you could break and enter!  Didn’t you think it odd that I’d have breakable glass surrounding the place I sleep?  Honestly, Shepard, I thought you’d be smarter.”  I saw him focus his attention behind me.  “Shall we chalk your stupidity up to your former lover, the supreme distraction?”

Kaidan.  There were two mercs flanking me.  I couldn’t turn around to see him.

This is wrong.  This is all wrong!  I started to panic.  How did we get into this mess?  I was cocky, overconfident.  I thought I was playing him, but all the while, it was me who was being played!  And now, because of my carelessness, Kaidan was in danger.

“This all leads into what you’re going to do for me.”  Hock picked up the walkie and put it next to my mouth.  “You’re going to tell Goto that you’ve gotten the DNA.  Then you’re going to meet her by the vault.  You’ll cut the power and with the voice sample and DNA, you’re going to open it.  You’re going to lead her straight to the box.  Once she has it in her hands, you’re going to tell her to access its information.  It has a chip embedded that will transmit all of the files to my personal terminal.  Do all of this, Shepard, and I’ll let you all go.  If you don’t follow my instructions exactly, I shoot your lover in front of you, torture Goto to crack the box on my own, and sell you on the black market.  How does that sound?”

I heard Kaidan’s voice from behind me.  “Don’t do this, Shepard.  That information will cost millions of lives.”

So he is here for the same reason.

Hock picked up my pistol and pointed at the floor next to me.  “Bring him forward.”

I heard struggling, then Kaidan fell on his knees beside me.

“You’re the one variable I didn’t anticipate.  I can guess why you’re here.  The Alliance wants that box, undoubtedly.  But tell me, Alenko.  Who tipped you?  I’m curious.”

“Go to hell.”

Hock sighed.  “Wrong answer.”  He raised the pistol in a wide arc and slammed it into Kaidan’s temple, knocking him unconscious.

I tried to charge Hock, but the mercs held me back.  I roared through gritted teeth.  “Donovan Hock, I swear, I’m going kill you!”

He looked at me with disgust.  “Love.  It’s so easy to manipulate.”

Hock held my own pistol in one hand, aimed at Kaidan’s unconscious body, and the walkie in the other.  “I’m not going to ask you again.  Choose wisely.”

My thoughts were becoming desperate.  If I tell him I’ll go along with his plan, it will at least buy me time.

I hung my head.  “I’ll do it.”

“What was that, Shepard?  Say it louder.”  Hock was relishing every moment of this.

“I said I’d do it!” I yelled.

He motioned to the guard beside me.  My bonds were cut.  I stood up and rubbed my wrists, wincing at the deep gashes the ties had made.

With my pistol still pointed at Kaidan, Hock handed me the walkie.  “Talk to her.”

I took it from his grasp.  I waited for my breathing to slow, and then I opened the channel.  “Kasumi, I have the DNA.  Do you copy?”

__

Chapter 10

Static. 

“Kasumi, come in.”  She never answered.  Where was she?  Did something happen on her end?

I looked up at Hock.  “Now what?  Looks like you’ll have to go ahead and shoot us,” I said sarcastically.

“I had trackers installed in these communicators.  She probably figured it out and dumped it.  I’m beginning to see she’s the intelligent one between the two of you.”  Hock took the walkie from me.  “I’m sure she’s still waiting for you.  She’s remained cloaked.  Damn illusive,” he muttered to himself.  He pulled a glass vial from his pocket.  “This is my DNA.  Go down to the vault and do exactly what I instructed.”

I knelt beside Kaidan to check his vitals.  A merc grabbed my elbow to stop me, but Hock waived him away.  “Let her make sure he’s still alive.  It’ll be motivation for her to follow directions.”

Kaidan was still unconscious but breathing steadily.  His pulse was rapid, his skin hot to the touch.  A large welt had formed where the pistol had made impact.  Wet, sticky blood coated his hair.  I cupped his face in my hands, caressing his cheeks.  At that moment, I had never felt so much hatred toward another living thing than I felt toward Donovan Hock.  I tried to control my rage, knowing that any misstep would be putting Kaidan even more at risk. “What are you going to do with him?”

“He needs medical attention, don’t you agree?”  Hock put a hand inside of his jacket pocket and pulled out a packet of medi-gel.  “Get Goto into the vault and I’ll give this to him. Call it a gesture of good faith.”

“Give it to him now or the deal’s off.”

“We do this my way, Shepard.”

I stood up and grabbed Hock by the collar of his white suit jacket, his face within a hair’s breadth of mine.  “Listen, you bastard.  You pistol-whipped a biotic with unstable L2 implants.  He won’t last long enough for me to get Kasumi into the vault.  Give it to him now.”

Hock chuckled nervously.  “You’ve made your point.  All right, you win.  He gets it now.”  I snatched the medi-gel from his hand.

I quickly ripped the packet open and applied it to Kaidan’s head wound to stop the bleeding and quell any infection.  Shaking his shoulders, I tried to wake him up.  A minute later, Kaidan moaned and his eyes fluttered open.  “Kaidan, can you hear me?” He nodded slightly.  He was disoriented, but he would be all right for now.  I kissed him in relief.  I prayed it wouldn’t be the last time.  Hock pulled me up roughly by the arm.

“Enough.  He’ll live.  Now it’s time to fulfill your end of the deal.”

I shoved Hock away.  “Don’t touch me again.  Give me my pistol and I’ll go.”

All four guards had me in their rifle sights as he reluctantly handed my weapon back to me.  “Remember, Shepard, my eyes and ears are everywhere.  If you warn Goto or do anything other than what we discussed, I’ll know about it.”

I jammed my pistol back into its holster.  “You’ve made your damn point.  Now get out of my way.”

I took one final look at Kaidan, still laying in a daze on the floor.  With a pit in my stomach, I turned and left.

All of the guests in the main hall were oblivious to what had just taken place.  They continued their debased, superficial conversations, getting drunk on exotic off-world cocktails.  The galaxy keeps on spinning.  I remembered Kaidan’s words the night before Ilos.  I couldn’t get the last image I had of him out of my mind.  I mentally reaffirmed my vow - Hock would die by my hand before I left Bekenstein.

I quickly walked to the stairwell, hiding my bruised and bloody wrists as much as I could.  As I approached the vault, I called Kasumi’s name.  Still no answer.

I sighed.  At least Hock kept the statue here.  I clicked open the hidden compartment.  All of my armor and weaponry was intact.  I began suiting up.  As I strapped on the last rifle, I saw Kasumi decloak in front of me.

“Shepard, are you okay?”

Finally.

“Kasumi, where have you been?”

She took hold of my wrists, inspecting them closely.  “When you didn’t answer me on the walkie, I went upstairs just in time to see Hock and four mercs walking into his quarters.  You were gone for almost thirty minutes.  What happened?”

Only thirty minutes?  It seemed like an eternity to me.  I was hyper-aware of Hock’s cameras.  I could picture him watching our every move.  How could I somehow communicate the danger to Kasumi?  Maybe if I came up with an excuse almost on the edge of absurd, something she could see through but Hock wouldn’t question, she might catch on.

“We were ready for them.  Kaidan and I took out the mercs and restrained Hock.  Kaidan’s still in there keeping an eye on him while we break into the vault.”

She crossed her arms, a look of doubt on her face.  “So Kaidan’s helping us now?”

I pleaded with her with my eyes, my voice low.  “Kasumi, I’m asking you to trust me.  No matter what happens, please trust me.”

She held her stance, her voice cool.  “You haven’t earned it, Shepard.  I’m on my side and no one else’s.  If it came down to me or Kaidan, I don’t trust you to choose what’s in my best interest.”

I closed my eyes, trying to fight off despair.  I hated to admit it, but she was absolutely right.  I felt I was walking a tightrope between alerting Kasumi and keeping Kaidan safe.  My judgment was clouded by overwhelming feelings of guilt for getting into this mess.  I had to confess, I also blamed Kasumi.  If she hadn’t been so insistent on coming here immediately, I could have had more time to analyze the mission.  I fought to put it all out of my mind.  I had to focus.

“Fair enough.”  I handed her the glass vial.  “Here’s Hock’s DNA.  Let’s crack this vault.”

___

Chapter 11

I watched as Kasumi applied the DNA and voice sample to the vault.  As each of its defenses came down, I knew I was losing precious time to achieve a solution to the most complicated of puzzles I’d faced since being revived.

Think, Shepard. You’ve defeated invincible enemies, faced insurmountable odds. You can’t fly by the seat of your pants with this one.  Kaidan’s life depended on it.  All of ours did.  I didn’t have any naïve notions of Hock honoring his end of the deal, even if I managed to give him exactly what he wanted.  I didn’t know what formerly dead Alliance heroes went for, but it was too much for Hock to let me leave.  How much am I willing to risk?

All that was left was the power surge to bring down the door’s barrier.  With a simple snap of a nearby cable, the red, forbidding glow faded, then died.  Kasumi handed me a small device to clip to my omni-tool.  “The greybox has a transmitter that can be detected at close range.  This will help us pinpoint its location once we’re inside.”  I began to walk toward the entrance of the vault, but Kasumi blocked my path.  Her stern gaze almost caused me to stumble.  “I want you to remember your promise, Shepard.  That box belongs to me.” 

I nodded, a false look of confidence on my face.  “The box is yours, and I promise you’ll have it before we leave Bekenstein.”  She didn’t move for several seconds, her eyes studying mine for any hint of insincerity.  Eventually, she spoke.  “I have no choice but to take your word.  But if you’ve lied to me…”  She didn’t finish, but instead turned and entered the vault.

Statues lined the walls, each on a dedicated platform.  I couldn’t believe that all of this was right below the main hall.  I slowly walked the perimeter of the room, studying each priceless relic.  Michelangelo’s David, abstract hanar sculptures…suddenly I was face to face with the Statue of Liberty.  How does someone steal something like this?  I had an abrupt realization that I had underestimated Hock.  He wasn’t like the other conmen I’d dealt with before.  Narcissistic, methodical, competitive, overconfident – I began a mental profile.  I hoped it would somehow help me when I needed it most.

The beeping of my omni-tool was getting faster; I was closer to the box.  I examined my immediate surroundings.  There, in the middle row, that must be it.  I looked for Kasumi; she was busy studying an assault rifle on a nearby platform.  I started walking, then running.  I have to get that box first.

Kasumi glanced up and saw my intention.  She grabbed the rifle, rushing straight toward me.  Why isn’t she heading for the box? I didn’t have time to wonder.  She was gaining ground; I started to sprint.  Just as she intercepted me, I felt my fingers wrap around cold metal.  She slammed into my waist, knocking me to the ground.  I rolled and was back on my feet, the box still in my hand and, I soon realized, a gun pointed at my chest.

“Give me the box, Shepard.”

I hesitated.  This is the moment I had been dreading.  I had a loose plan, but it was risky.  A risky plan is better than nothing.  I quickly drew my pistol.

“Kasumi, back down.”

“Damn it, Shepard!  I knew this would happen!  What did Hock offer you?”  Her gun shook as she spoke, her rage overtaking her.

“Offer me?  Do you think I can be bribed?  You have no idea what you’re up against, Kasumi.”  I held the greybox in front of my chest as a shield and butted the barrel of my own weapon against it.  “Hock!  I know you’re watching, you son of a bitch!”

A large screen flickered to life at the far end of the room.  On it, Donovan Hock appeared.  In the background, I could see Kaidan, his hands and feet bound, his shirt torn off.  A grimace of pain scored deep lines in his face, his eyes squeezed shut.  “Shepard, you’re trying my patience.  Remember whose life I have in my hands.”

I ignored his comment.  I came to stand in the middle of the vault, turning away from Kasumi.  I prayed she wouldn’t shoot me in the back.  “How much did you pay for this box?  It must have been a fortune.  Considering all the trouble you went through luring Kasumi here to crack it open, wouldn’t it be a shame for me to blow a big, gaping hole in your investment?”  I cocked my gun.

“What?” Kasumi shouted from behind me.

I stayed fixed on the screen.  “This was all a set-up, Kasumi.  Hock needs you to decrypt the box.”

It’s like she hadn’t even heard what I said.  Her lone focus was my gun, pointed at the only thing she had left of the man she loved.  “Shepard, don’t do this!”  I heard the utter desperation in her voice.

Hock motioned to someone off-screen.  I watched as a guard grabbed Kaidan’s wrists and dragged him forward.  “Your job is to convince Goto to give me that data.  For every minute you delay, Alenko’s L2 implants receive a nasty shock.  You’ve already wasted three minutes.”  Kaidan’s back arched, his neck going stiff.  He managed to cry out in the midst of his pain, “Shepard! Damn it, destroy it!”

I held the box tightly, ready to pull the trigger.

Unexpectedly, Kasumi ran forward, her hands raised in surrender.  “Wait!  Stop.  I’ll do what you ask.”

Hock smiled.  “Goto, so glad you could see it my way.”

She turned toward me, her back to the screen.  “Shepard, if you have a better plan, now’s the time,” she whispered. 

I took a deep breath.  Now or never.  Let’s find out how far I can push this.

I wrapped my arm around Kasumi’s chest and shoved the box against her temple, pointing my pistol at both.

“We each have something the other one wants.  I have the greybox and your decryption key.  You have Alenko.  Let’s make a deal.”

Kaidan looked at me through the screen.  “Shepard, no,” he groaned.

Hock laughed.  “You won’t shoot Goto.  It’s against your very nature.  Who do you take me for, honestly?”

“Try me.”  Keeping a tight grip on Kasumi, I moved my pistol to a corner of the greybox.  Careful to avoid hitting her, I aimed and prayed that she would somehow forgive me for what I was about to do.

I pulled the trigger.  Kasumi cried out in response, stunned by what I had just done.  I held the box up for Hock to see, a small chunk now missing from its right side.

I threw his own taunt back at him.  “For every minute you delay, another piece of this box gets obliterated.”

He jumped out of his chair, enraged.  That got his attention.

“Don’t smartass me, Shepard!”

I aimed at another corner of the box.  “I’m dead serious, Hock.” In a mocking tone, I added, “Choose wisely.”

__

Chapter 12

Kasumi struggled against my grip.  “This is your better plan?  Are you crazy?”

Can’t turn back now.  I cocked my gun once more, ready to fire.

I felt a sharp elbow shoved into my gut.  I gasped for breath, my face giving away my surprise.  Kasumi took the opportunity to grab my arm, spin neatly to face me, pin me down on the floor, and snatch the box.  Before I could suck air into my lungs to say something, anything, to stop her, she disappeared.

My risky plan of taking an assassin as a fake hostage and hoping she’d understand?  Not so hot, actually.  How could I have expected it to go well?  Now I was alone, with nothing to bargain with and a trained killer as a new enemy.  At least it can’t get much worse.  Wait, who am I kidding?  It can always get worse.

Hock was livid, his face turning a bright shade of red.  “Shepard!  You just cost me 257 million credits!”

“Is that all?”  I scolded myself immediately after the words escaped my mouth.  You never know when to quit.

Hock’s tone deepened, his voice menacing.  “Congratulations.  You’re my consolation prize.  Selling you to the highest bidder should recoup most of my losses.”

At that moment, the doors to the vault opened.  Several mercs poured through, red laser sights appearing on my armor.

“Bring her to me.  Alive.”

What have I got to lose now?  I was keenly aware of Kaidan’s still form on Hock’s screen; he had passed out from pain and exhaustion.  My rage was boiling within me, unchecked.  I threw up a barrier and let out a scream, unloading my clip into the mercs in front of me.  Three down.  I reloaded and dove behind a nearby platform.  My targets opened fire, shards of invaluable art exploding around me.  Dust from the destruction obscured my view.  And Hock’s, I suddenly realized.

“Stop shooting, you idiots!” Hock yelled in fury. Taking the opportunity handed to me, I started sprinting for the door at the end of the vault.  Two mercs stood in my way – I gunned them down without missing a step.  I ran backwards, covering myself with volleys until I heard the door hiss open.  I turned and ran, harder than I could ever remember running.  I realized I was in some kind of factory or armory.  Hiding behind a nearby crate, I tried to get my bearings.  I had to find Kaidan.

Hock’s voice came over the loudspeaker.  “Shepard, you can’t win.  I have fifty mercs hunting you down, and I have your pawn you’re so desperate to defend.”  He paused.  “I’m a reasonable man. How about one last deal?  A simple trade – you for him.  I have no need for Alenko.  Surrender yourself and he goes free.”

I peered over the crate, craning my neck to see a lone batarian slowly walking in my general direction, his rifle pointing at every sound in the eerie stillness.  Keep coming.

I crouched in position, listening to the footfalls draw closer.  He passed by me, his attention drawn to a thud across the dimly lit hallway.  I sprung, grabbing his head in my hands and twisting hard.  I felt the sickening snap of his spinal cord, his body going limp.  Dragging him out of eyesight, I fumbled for his walkie.  I took deep breath, one of many I had taken since this mission had begun.  I had no illusions of making it out alive.  But if I could somehow save Kaidan, it was an opportunity I couldn’t ignore.

“Hock, we do the deal my way.  Specify a meeting location outside where I can see you release Alenko.  Once he’s free, I’ll hand myself over.”

His response was a laugh.  “Gotcha, Shepard.”

Trackers in the walkies.  Damn it!  He knows exactly where I am. Think fast. The only weapon I had left was the power of persuasion. 

“Wait, Hock!  You need me alive.  You know I’ll mow down every merc you throw at me and I’ll probably be wounded or killed in the process.  If you want me to remain in one piece, you’ll see things my way.  You know you’ve won.  I can’t escape without getting killed.  You might as well use your last bargaining chip to make this easier on yourself.”

Silence.  No sound of fifty guards charging around the corner.  I hoped that was a good sign.

“Ah, Shepard, you are ever the voice of reason.  I’ll meet your proposal.  My guards will be waiting for you at the outer cargo landing zone.  It’s straight ahead from your location.  A merc will be waiting there with Alenko.  Once outside, throw down your weapons.  On my command, he will be let go and you will be taken into my custody.  Agreed?”

What choice do I have?  “Agreed.”

I threw the walkie as hard as I could against the wall, shattering it instantly.  I sat down, my back against the crate, and cried.  I felt overwhelming despair, anger, and guilt, all of them swirling inside of me.  So this is it.  I’m brought back to life to have it end here.  What a waste.

I slowly came to my feet, wiping the tears from my cheeks.  If I’m going to go, I’m taking as many filthy mercs with me as I can.  I had no intention of handing myself over to Hock without a fight.  Two can play dirty at this game.

I walked forward, the echoes of my steps reverberating in the space around me.  I could see the giant cargo door open and guards surrounded me, grabbing my arms and pulling me outside.  My weapons were stripped and I was pushed, once again, to my knees in submission.

Kaidan, what have they done to you?  He was standing, barely, with the help of a salarian in Eclipse armor.  Funny, I had always thought of salarians as being so noble.  I never pictured them as criminals.

As I watched, bracing for the final showdown to unfold, the salarian suddenly went limp.  Gunshots rang out, mowing down the guards behind me.  Complete chaos erupted as the mercs took cover. 

What the hell is happening?  I ran to Kaidan, shielding him with my body.  I felt myself being pulled onto my feet.  I wrestled my attacker; I had to protect Kaidan!

“Shepard, stop!  It’s me!”

Garrus?

“Garrus!  What are you doing here?  How did you know…”

“Time to talk later.  Take cover.”

I looked to see Kasumi pulling Kaidan behind a nearby cargo box.  She must have killed the salarian while cloaked.  I ran over to help her and we huddled behind the box together.  “Kasumi, thank you for…”

“Save it, Shepard, we’re not out of this yet.”

Mercs were pouring onto the platform.  Garrus threw me a rifle.  “A little help!”

“I’ve got your six!” I shouted back.  As I emptied my clip into an asari, I heard a deafening sound from behind me.  I turned to see a gun ship, huge and well-armed, with Hock at the helm.

I quickly grabbed Kaidan’s arm and wrapped it around my shoulder.  “Kaidan, can you hear me?  We’ve got to move!”

He groaned.  I pulled him up and searched frantically for a new place to hide.

Garrus saw my predicament.  “The shuttle, Shepard!  It’s ten meters this way!”  He pointed in the opposite direction of the onslaught of mercs.  I nodded appreciatively and stumbled as quickly as I could to safety.

I tried to keep Kaidan stable with one hand while I fired my rifle with other.  I could feel bullets hitting my shields, Kasumi and Garrus firing at the gunship with no effect.  I said a silent prayer that all of us would somehow make it out alive.

Finally, the shuttle.  I quickly opened the side panel and gently laid Kaidan down.  More than anything, I wanted to stay with him, to tell him how sorry I was, how much I cared for him.  But I couldn’t leave my crewmates to fight alone.

I ran back into the battle, grabbing my missile launcher as I fired rounds into nearby batarians.  Then I saw something I will never forget, something so amazing that even the mercs had to stop in their tracks and gape.

With the gracefulness of an acrobat, Kasumi launched herself into the air, using crates and trees as her jumping points.  Landing onto the front of the gunship, she manually disabled its shields, gave Hock a curt salute, and did a back flip to land perfectly onto the platform.  My jaw was still hanging open when Garrus smacked my shoulder.  “Shepard, now!”

Aiming the missile launcher carefully, I let several rounds fly.  I’ll never forget the look on Hock’s face as the gun ship went up in flames, spinning out of control.  It crashed into a cliff face, exploding on impact.  After seeing their employer incinerated in front of them, the remaining mercs fled.  I couldn’t believe it.  We actually survived.

Leaving Kasumi and Garrus behind, I ran back to the shuttle.  Opening the panel, I quickly kneeled beside Kaidan.  He was sitting up, rubbing his neck carefully.

I leaned over and kissed his cheek.  “I am so sorry for what Hock did to you.  This is completely my fault.  Are you okay?”

He winced, but smiled.  “I’ll be fine.  He did something to my implants.  They don’t feel quite right.”  He stood, barely able to keep his balance.  “I have an Alliance ship standing by and my shuttle’s about a kilometer from here.  They’ll be wondering what happened to me.”

He turned and grabbed me in a weak hug.  My heart beat faster.  I wrapped my arms around his neck gently, resting my head on his shoulder.  “Shepard, I need you to do one last thing for me.”

“Anything, Kaidan.”

“I need you to get me that box.”

What?  Before I could respond, Kasumi and Garrus were boarding the shuttle, hastily locking the doors and firing up the engines.

Garrus sat at the controls and opened a channel to the Normandy.  “Joker, do you copy?  We need a pickup, now.”

“Copy that, Garrus.  I have your position.”

I fell back as the shuttle accelerated forward.  “What are you doing?  Kaidan’s still on board.  We can’t just…”

“The batarians have regrouped and got it in their heads they could take you for themselves.  There’s no time.”  Garrus looked back at Kaidan.  “He’ll have to come with us.”

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Chapter 13

“Brace yourself back there!”

The shuttle jerked sideways as Garrus tried to avoid the batarians’ fire from below. Kasumi had managed to strap herself in, but Kaidan and I hadn’t had enough warning for such a luxury.  I slid against the far end of the shuttle, the bench seat biting into my lower back.  Kaidan tried to grab onto a nearby handhold but slipped, slamming into me and crushing my ribs. Barely managing to grasp one of the buckles for the seats, I put my legs and right arm around Kaidan to hold him steady. 

“Joker!  What’s your ETA?”

“How about two seconds?  I’m right above you.”

Suddenly, the Normandy came into view ahead of us.  It was a beautiful sight.  That’s when I noticed Kaidan had wrapped his arms around me, his head on my chest.  Even as the shuttle smoothly entered the dock, he didn’t let go.  I was internally conflicted.  I should be happy that the man I love is here with me, safe after such an ordeal.  But I was seared by his request for the box.  Out of all of the things I longed for him to say in that moment, hugging me as I told him I’d do anything for him…

We came to a stop and my thoughts were interrupted.  I let go of the buckle and untangled myself from around Kaidan’s form.  My back was killing me; I hoped I didn’t do any meaningful damage.  Helping him to his feet, I turned to Garrus and Kasumi.

“Thank you, both of you.  You saved our lives.”  I grabbed their shoulders with an affectionate squeeze.  “Get cleaned up and meet me in the comm room for a debrief.  Kasumi, bring the box with you.  Dismissed.”

Garrus nodded and exited the shuttle.  Kasumi hesitated; she had a look that was hard to read.  I wondered what she must think of me after everything we had been through.  Finally, without a word, she left.

I didn’t want to look at Kaidan.  What he had said right before we left Bekenstein had hurt me more than I realized at the time.  All he thought about, all he wanted was the box.  After everything I had said to him, had he even told me he still cared about me?  I couldn’t remember; everything was a blur.  As I walked out of the shuttle, I said in a professional tone, “You need to head to the med bay.  Our on board AI can show you the way.”

He reached out and grabbed my arm.  “Wait, I…”

“Not so fast, Commander Shepard.  Both of you need medical attention.”

Dr. Chakwas had just entered the shuttle dock and was walking quickly toward us.

I waived her away.  “I’m fine, but Commander Alenko was injured.  Please do a thorough check, especially on his implants.”

She folded her arms in front of her chest.  “You don’t have to remind me how to do my job, Commander.  Now if you’ll both come with me…”

Did I not have control of any of my crew anymore?  I was exhausted.  All I wanted was a hot shower and a hard sleep.  I tried to stay patient.  “Doctor, I appreciate your concern, but I have an urgent mission debrief that can’t wait.  I promise, I’ll drop by before I return to duty.”

“I’m coming with you,” Kaidan said matter-of-factly.

I spun around and pointed a finger at his chest.  “You are not a member of my crew or a part of this mission.  You turned your back on that privilege.  Stay out of our business.”

I didn’t wait for a reply.  I marched out of the dock and into the elevator.  As I rode the floors up to the comm room, I became more upset with each passing moment.  I knew my words must have hurt him, but I didn’t care.  I was organizing my thoughts with exactly what I’d say to Alenko if he dared to ask me about the box again.  Another deep breath.  I had to put all of this aside and concentrate on the debrief.  I needed to know exactly what happened down there.

As I entered the comm room, Garrus was already there.

“What the hell were you thinking, Shepard?  You almost got yourself killed.”

Here we go.  “But thanks to you, I didn’t.  I’d really appreciate it if you’d save the lecture for another day.”  I sighed.  “Look, I know you’re upset.  I did everything I knew how to do.  I don’t know what I could have done differently.”

“You could have let Alenko die.”

I was speechless.  How could I explain that it simply wasn’t an option I could have considered?

“You let your feelings get in the way of your duty.  I just want you to check yourself, Shepard.  You can’t afford to make too many of those kinds of mistakes and get away with it.”

“You’re right, Garrus.”  I turned to face him.  “But even if you wouldn’t have been there to save me, I wouldn’t have changed a thing.  If it had been you instead of Kaidan, I would have done the same.”

Thankfully, at that moment, Kasumi entered the room.  I took a seat at the head of the conference table. 

“Again, thank you both for your efforts.  You risked your lives for mine, and I won’t forget it.  Now, tell me what I missed.”

Kasumi dropped the box at the far end of the table and took a seat to my right.  “Let me start.  Before we left, Garrus had slipped me a low frequency communicator that he had acquired while on Omega to coordinate his teams under the radar.  He told me to use it if we ran into any snags.  When I saw Hock and his men entering the bedroom, I knew you were in trouble.  So I exited the mansion and radioed Garrus with the situation.  He told me to go back and try to help you, and in the meantime, he’d find a way to get in.”

I stopped her.  “Why didn’t you tell me Garrus had given you something?”

“He asked me not to.”

I turned to Garrus.  “And why is that?”

He sighed.  “Come on, Shepard.  You always want to do things your way.  If you knew, you’d assume that I thought you needed my help.  Besides, I figured you wouldn’t even use it.”

“How many other times have you done something like this I didn’t know about?”

Garrus leaned over the table.  “None of your damn business, Shepard.”

Kasumi mercifully continued.  “Okay you two.  Anyway, after that, I went back down to the vault to find you waiting for me.  You acted strange, like nothing significant had happened.  I considered at that point, Hock had you compromised.  I couldn’t mention Garrus because I thought Hock probably had you bugged.

“We entered the vault and I was trying to stall to give Garrus time to find a way in.  When I saw you going for the box, I tried to knock you down before you got to it.  I knew the instant you touched it, the clock would start ticking.”

I interrupted her again.  “That doesn’t make sense.  Why would you give me the locator for the box if you didn’t want me to find it?”

“I did want you to find it, just not right away.  I figured I would have heard from Garrus by the time we found the box, and then we could shoot our way out.  But he couldn’t find a way in.”

Garrus chimed in.  “Hock’s got that place locked down.  I couldn’t find any weaknesses.  I had to send a message to Kasumi to open the back cargo dock doors.  It was the only place I could land the shuttle without being seen.”

Kasumi nodded.  “I got the message right as you bolted for the box.  I tried to get you to give it to me so we could make a break for it toward Garrus’ location.  But then, you completely lost it.  No offense, Shepard.”

“None taken.  Go on.”

She stood and walked slowly around the table, playing out what happened next.

“When I saw Hock torturing Kaidan, I knew why you were so desperate.  I thought if I feigned surrender, I’d buy us more time.  Let’s just say I didn’t expect you’d point a gun at my head.  You were entirely unpredictable.  I honestly didn’t know how far you’d go.  So, I took over.”

I nodded.  “You had me on my back in three seconds.  I was impressed.  Pissed, but impressed.”

She continued.  “I grabbed the box, cloaked, and ran for the back cargo door.  I met Garrus outside by the shuttle, but by the time I had changed out my weapons and added heavier armor, guards had started to assemble on the dock.  We couldn’t get back in to help you.”

Garrus added his perspective.  “I saw them bring out Alenko.  I could have killed them all right then, the bastards.  Then we saw mercs dragging you out and taking your weapons.  I positioned myself to take out the guards behind you while Kasumi cloaked and took care of the salarian.”  Garrus smiled, at least as much as a turian could.  “It felt good, taking all of those mercs down.  They never saw it coming.”

Kasumi sat back down.  “And you already know the rest.”

Garrus turned to me.  “Shepard, if you would have died down there…”

I raised my hand to silence him.  “I know, Garrus.  I was careless, wreckless, impetuous…”

“You were selfless.  I was wrong.  You did what you had to,” he conceded.  “Alenko should be damn grateful.”

“Speaking of Alenko.”  I got up from my seat and walked over to the box.  All of the trouble we went through was for this.  I ran my fingers over the sharp edges my bullet had made.  At that moment, I made up my mind.  “Kasumi, I’m sorry for damaging what you worked so hard to retrieve.  Can you still access the data?”

“Yes.”  She paused.  “With EDI’s help, I already did.  I was going to tell you that I planned on opening while we were still in the shuttle, but…” Her voice trailed off.

I was annoyed she had done so without my knowledge.  But how could I blame her?  She probably thought I was going to take the box away and hand it over to Cerberus or the Alliance.  I’d have done the same thing in her position.

“Kasumi, the box is yours.  I promised you’d have it when we left Bekenstein.  Do what you think it best with it.”

She lowered her head, her hood shielding her face.  “Thank you, Shepard,” she whispered.

I gently handed it to her.  “Both of you are dismissed.”

I sat alone for several minutes, battling my inner emotions.  I had given the box to Kasumi; I hoped it was the right decision.

Slowly, I made my way back to my quarters.  As the door slid open, I let the cool blue glow of the fish tank wash over me.  I kicked off my shoes and collapsed onto the couch.  I must have fallen asleep because EDI’s voice jerked me awake.

“Commander Shepard, Commander Alenko has been standing outside your quarters for four minutes 27 seconds.  I inquired if he would like to enter, but he did not reply.  He appears conflicted.”

I sat up.  “And what made you decide after four minutes 27 seconds to tell me this?”

“I thought you would like to know, Shepard.”

EDI.  Just when I think I have her figured out, she keeps me guessing.

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Chapter 14: Alternate

This version of Chapter 14 is free of any mature content since I can't regulate the ages of folks that read this blog.  If you want to view the Chapter that has mature content, please visit http://loraine95.deviantart.com/art/Encounter-Chapter-14-282782538 .

I had a brief internal debate with myself.  He’s a grown man; he can make up his own mind to come in or not.

But after what I said to him, I suppose I can understand why he’s so hesitant to knock. 

Come on, Shepard, take the high road.

I arose from the couch and trudged up the steps to the entryway.  I stood in front of the door and waited for it to slide open.  There, on the other side, was Kaidan, his right hand rubbing the back of his neck.  He must have showered; he smelled clean, the blood washed from his face and hair.  It made me keenly aware of my own filth.  I had yet to shower myself.  To my amusement, he was wearing a white Cerberus uniform shirt to replace the one he’d lost on Bekenstein.  He looked up, a glimpse of embarrassment crossing his face. 

“Come in.”  I moved aside to let him pass. 

He walked through the door and instantly drew me into a hug.  “I just wanted to come and tell you that what you did was the stupidest thing in the world and despite my seemingly calm exterior, I am furious with you.”

My heart jumped into my throat.  Did he already know about the box?

“You never should have given yourself up for me.  If I would have been conscious enough, I would have put up more of a fight.”  He kissed my cheek and held me tighter.

I breathed an inward sigh of relief.  “Are you all right?  What did Dr. Chakwas say?”

He continued to hold me, nuzzling my neck as he spoke.  “She told me you saved my life twice today.  Hock set my implants at a frequency that would have caused them to short out my nervous system in about a month.  She’s the only doctor in the galaxy who knew how detect it and enough about them to fix it.  According to her, I have to stay on board the Normandy and check back at o’eight hundred hours to make sure they’re reset properly.”

I chuckled.  “That sounds like her.”

He trailed kisses toward my lips.  “Joker radioed the info to my Alliance ship, so I guess I’m stuck here for the next ten hours.”

I gently pulled away to be able to see his face.  “Kaidan, I’m sorry for what I said.  Outside of the shuttle.  My adrenaline was high, I was defensive.”  And you were a jerk to bring up that God-forsaken box, I thought inwardly.

He smiled.  “I’ve said things to you out of anger that I regret.  I want to move forward, not look back.”  He leaned into me and pressed his lips against mine.  In an instant, all of my frustration, about him, about the box, disappeared.

“Shepard?”

 “Yes?”

“I love you.”

It was the most incredible feeling to hear him finally say it to me.  Kissing him gently, I ran my hand over his cheek.  “I love you, too.” 

I noticed I had gotten dirt and dried blood on the front of his previously pristine white shirt.  My armor suddenly felt exceedingly uncomfortable.  “If you didn’t notice, I’m completely filthy.  I need a shower.”  I grabbed bedclothes out of my closet

As I closed the bathroom door and turned on the hot water, my heart began to sink.  I had given the box to Kasumi, and now that Kaidan had told me he loves me, I felt like a traitor.  I had betrayed him, and I couldn’t imagine how he would understand.  I suddenly felt sick.  How will he react after he finds out what I’ve done?

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Chapter 15

I emerged out of the shower, clean at last.  Kaidan was dressed and busy admiring my collection of model ships.  As he leaned over to get a closer look, the small picture frame near my personal terminal flickered to life.  It was enough to catch his attention.  He glanced over to find an image of himself staring back.  “You know, I have an old picture of you in my quarters from after we defeated Saren.  Even after I thought you were dead, I couldn’t bring myself to put it away."

 “Really.”  I didn’t know what else to say.  I was bracing myself for the inevitable conversation we had to have.

He came over and grabbed my hands in his.  “You still look the same as that picture.  Beautiful as hell.”

I managed a weak smile.  Gently pulling my hands from his, I walked down the steps and took a seat on the couch.  “You never did explain what you were doing at Hock’s mansion.”

He came down to join me.  “I wanted to tell you, all of you, in the debrief.  I thought it would help you make a decision.”

Let’s see how beautiful he still thinks I am when he finds out I already made it.  “So tell me now.”

He stared straight ahead as he began to speak.  “I received an encrypted message, sent directly to me, from an unknown source.  It said there was some kind of security breach in the form of a greybox, something that was highly confidential.  It gave coordinates of the box, attachments for a fake identity for me only, and instructions on how to retrieve it.  I would have dismissed it as some kind of joke, except the end of the message said that Cerberus had hired a trained thief to steal the box and blackmail the Alliance.  I decided to forward it on to Hackett.”

I leaned back, carefully picking apart every word he said.  “And then what?”

“It got weird after that.  I thought they’d spend time researching where the hell this message came from and evaluate its validity, or why it came to me and not to some other Alliance official.  But only an hour after I had sent it to Hackett, I was called into his office and told this was top priority.  They shipped me out with a team the next day.  On the way to the mission site, Hackett briefed me on some of the information on the box.  It has secret communications about hits on alien dignitaries a former Alliance admiral had contracted out.  He was secretly kicked out of the Alliance and privately tried for treason last year, but it doesn’t matter.  If the information were leaked, it would cause a full-scale war against humanity and the Alliance.”

I didn’t get it.  What use would that be to Cerberus?  “That doesn’t make sense.  Cerberus couldn’t use the information to blackmail the Alliance and still claim to be pro-humanity.”

“Well, that’s the thing.  Hackett said that was all he was allowed to tell me.  My guess is that there’s something else on that box, and it’s important enough that the Alliance ordered me to bring it back intact if possible.  And I want to know what it is.  That’s why I need you to give it to me.”

This all seemed too obvious.  “Did you ever stop to think that it was Cerberus who sent you the message in the first place?”

It took a few moments for him to respond.  “Why would you think that?”

I stood up and walked to the end of the bed.  “The Illusive Man is the only one that could send you a message and who knew where Kasumi and I would be.  Besides, Cerberus didn’t send Kasumi to get the box.  It’s her property, stolen from her by Hock.  She was the one that wanted it back, not Cerberus.”

Sitting down, I continued.  “Think about it.  The Illusive Man sent me the dossier on Kasumi so I could recruit her for my mission against the Collectors.  The only way she’d join is if I help her get the greybox back.  He concedes and sends us off with his blessing.  Only he doesn’t want her to get the box; the information is too dangerous to humanity.  So he sends the Alliance swooping in to take it instead.” 

I waited for what I said to sink in.  “Kaidan, I think you’ve been working for the very organization you claim to hate.  Not only that, but I think Hackett knew the message was from Cerberus.  He probably recognized the encryption method and that’s why he trusted the information.  Face it; he and Cerberus are reluctant allies.”

He was suddenly on his feet, clearly frustrated with me.  “That’s going too far.  Think of what you’re accusing the Alliance of.”

“The Alliance isn’t as holy as you think it is, Kaidan.  The fact that they have secrets on this box they don’t want anyone to know about proves it.  You suspect it yourself; that’s why you want to see what’s on it.  Except you didn’t know that the only one who can open it is Kasumi.” 

I needed to tell him my decision.  Time to face the fire.  “I let her have the box.”

His frustration turned to anger.  “You what?  Even after you knew what was on it, you let a known criminal take it?  Are you insane?  You put all of humanity at risk!”

I stood up and took a step toward him.  “Have you listened to anything I’ve said?  The Alliance couldn’t crack it if they wanted to.  Only she can, which proves it’s hers by right. It’s all she has left of the man she loves!  Put yourself in her place.  What if the only thing you had left of me after I died was stolen from you?  Wouldn’t you want it back?  Who am I to take that away from her?  Who are you?”

He was furious. “Why are you never on my side?  You always think you’re making the right calls, but you screwed up this time, Shepard.  You can’t justify this.”  He shook his head.  “I can’t believe, after knowing that information could start a galaxy-wide war, you chose to give her, a thief, the box because she was sentimental about it.  You chose that over humanity’s safety, over me.”

After everything Kasumi had done for me, after saving my life and committing to help me defeat the Collectors, I knew I had made the right decision.  I wasn’t going to back down.

“I chose you when I saved your life.  I was ready to die for you.  Remember that.”  My voice softened.  “Kaidan, please try to see this from my point of view.  I don’t claim to always be right, but I had to make a decision.  I did what my conscience told me to do.”

He buried his face in his hands, trying to calm himself down.  “I’m sorry, Shepard.  This was all a mistake.”  He headed toward the door.  “I gotta go.”

I placed myself directly in his path.  “No, you’re not doing this to me again.  You can’t just walk away every time something doesn’t go exactly as you’d planned it.”  He tried to look away, but I put my hands on his shoulders to hold his gaze.  “How can you so easily turn your back on us?  After everything we’ve been through together, is the decision I made so damning to you that it overrides any love you have for me?”

His voice held an icy edge.  “When I first came in here, you should have told me.  You led me on.”

I was incredulous.  “I led you on?  If you’re saying that if you would have known I let Kasumi keep the box, everything we just did together never would have happened, you never would have told me you loved me, then you’re the one with the wrong motives.”

He had such a look of pain and heartache on his face.  I was searching for the right words, something to let him know how I truly felt.  “I love you regardless of the circumstances, Kaidan.  It’s not conditional, and it’s not negotiable.”

He took my hands off of his shoulders.  “I just…I need time to think.  I don’t know how I feel anymore, about you or about us.”

I dropped my arms to my side.  “Where will you go?”

“Dr. Chakwas has a bed in the med bay I’ll use.  I’ll head back to my ship after my checkup.  If I don’t see you again, good luck.  With everything.”

He brushed past me and I stood there, dumbfounded.  Right as the door slid open and he took his first step out of my quarters, EDI’s voice penetrated the silence.

“Commander Shepard, one of your base assumptions is incorrect.”

What in the world was she talking about?  Kaidan stopped right outside the door and turned around.  He looked just as confused as I did.

“Explain, EDI.”

“The Illusive Man did not send the encrypted message to Commander Alenko.  I did.”

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Chapter 16

It took me a moment to process what EDI had just said.  Kaidan walked back into my quarters, the door sliding shut behind him.  He crossed his arms in front of his chest and waited to hear her explanation.

I had a thousand questions running through my mind.  Which one to ask first?  Before I could decide, Joker interrupted my thoughts.

“Commander, Admiral Hackett is on the comm.  He wants to talk to you, and he says it’s urgent.”

Kaidan and I replied in unison.  “Thanks, Joker.”

We looked at each other, realizing the ironic misunderstanding.

Joker hesitated.  “Uh, Alenko?  You in there?”  I could sense the smirk in his voice.  “Was I interrupting something?”

I rolled my eyes.  “Did he say why he wanted to talk to me?”

“No, ma’am.  Just said it was urgent.  I don’t know how smart it is to keep an Alliance Admiral on hold.”

I was about to tell Joker where the Alliance could stick its etiquette, but I thought better of it.  “Tell Hackett I’m on my way.”  I turned to Kaidan.  “I want you to come with me.  Whatever he says to me, he can damn well say to you.”

He relaxed his defensive posture slightly.  “I have a better idea.  Since you’re not with the Alliance, he’ll probably tell you more than he would me.  Meet with Hackett alone, but let me listen in.”

 A crack in his perfect Alliance armor.  “Are you sure you want to take that risk?  If he found out…”

He was quick to cut me off.  “It’s my decision.  I’ll deal with the consequences.”

This will be interesting.  “All right.  EDI, patch the audio from the comm room to my quarters.”

“I will make sure it goes undetected, Shepard,” she replied.  EDI was catching on uncomfortably well.

Without another word, I changed into more appropriate clothing and headed down to the communications center of the Normandy for the second time that day.  This, however, was under drastically different circumstances.

Upon entering, I took a seat and braced myself for the conversation I was about to have.  I was going into it completely blind.  Hopefully, I could think fast enough to react to whatever Hackett was going to throw at me.  “Joker, I’m ready.  Patch him through.”

An image flickered and stabilized in front of me.  Admiral Hackett - a man I once considered my ally and friend, but now, I wasn’t so sure.  He had aged dramatically since I had last seen him.  Behind him, I could see the tranquil sky and towering structures of the Presidium.

“Commander Shepard, thank you for meeting with me on short notice.  We’re all glad you’re alive.”

I nodded.  “What can I help you with, Admiral?”

“It should go without saying, but this needs to be a secure channel.”

I could picture Kaidan in my quarters, listening to every word.  “Of course.”

He sat back in his chair.  “The box has been a threat to the Alliance ever since we learned of our security breach several weeks ago.  We sent Commander Alenko as you asked, and I told him to communicate with me at the completion of the mission.  He hasn’t checked in.  Have you spoken with him?  Was he successful?”

Like I asked? Damn it, EDI, what have you done?  Do I admit that I have no idea what he’s talking about, or do I play along?  Surely Kaidan’s ship had reported him on board the Normandy.  Was Hackett testing me?

I always imagined these tete-a-tetes like a dangerous game of chess.  I had to play carefully, even more so with Kaidan on the line.

“I have spoken with Commander Alenko and he debriefed me on the mission.  The box was damaged during retrieval and the data is inaccessible.”

Hackett stood and leaned forward, his hands gripping the edges of his desk.  “Does he have the greybox, Shepard?”

He was overly anxious.   What the hell is he really after? I furrowed my brow.   “Why is it so important he have it or not, especially if the data is beyond retrieval?”

Hackett hesitated and grimaced.  “I need your word this channel is secure, Commander Shepard.”

I kept my voice calm, but I could feel my adrenaline starting to kick in.  “You have my word, Admiral.”

He loosened up and sat back down.  "The original owner of the box was a master hacker.  We'd been studying him from a distance for several months for our own research purposes.  I don't care about retrieving information.  If we can get that greybox, we can learn how he encrypted information into memories.  The way he did it was ingenious, and if we can replicate it, we could send soldiers into undercover missions with the technology.  Any information they retrieved would be encoded into their very synapses.  If they were captured, any confidential Alliance data would be impossible to access.  Think of how many security breaches we could prevent.  This would save lives, prevent terrorist attacks."

I couldn’t believe what I was hearing.  “But greyboxes are specifically used for people with mental disabilities.  Physically installing them into your soldiers’ frontal lobe would be a major medical procedure that would affect them the rest of their lives.  All of the dangers aren’t even fully known yet.”

Hackett nodded.  “We’d have to prescreen soldiers for candidacy for the program.  Biotics are particularly well-adapted for these kinds of operations.”

I was starting to feel sick.  Knowing how much the L2 implants affected Kaidan, I couldn’t imagine yet another hazardous addition to his already overloaded nervous system.

“So, Shepard, you see now why it’s so important we have the box.  I’m telling you all of this because, as an associate of Cerberus, you can understand that occasionally sacrifices need to be made for the common good.”

Hackett was lucky I wasn’t physically in his presence.  I would have been sorely tempted to throttle him.  This self-righteous bastard wasn’t the Hackett I used to know.  It was my turn to stand.  Leaning forward, I made sure to punctuate every word.   “I’ve seen a lot of horrible things, experiments done on humans, krogans, salarians, all in the name of the ‘common good’.  But this, this has got to be one of the worst.  Soldiers and their families sacrifice enough for the Alliance, but you want them to give you their souls.  Convincing young men and women to take part in this is a gross abuse of your authority.  I knew that the Alliance had its soft underbelly, but I never thought you’d stoop to Cerberus’ level. “

Hackett was clearly furious.  “Keep your naïve morals to yourself, Shepard.  Does Alenko have the box or not?”

I stood tall.  “I have the box.  And the first thing I’m going to do after we end this conversation is throw it in the garbage compactor.”

Checkmate.

__

Chapter 17

“We’re done, Admiral.”

“Shepard, think about this, you’re making a mistake if you…”

I closed the channel, his image fading away.  While I now had conviction that withholding the box from Kaidan had been the right decision, it was a hollow victory.  I had just facilitated in damaging one of his most deeply held assurances, something he had dedicated his entire life to.  I prayed that it wouldn’t have profound consequences.  And Hackett, a good and honest man I used to trust, a man who I depended on during our mission against the reapers.  What had happened to him in the past two years to turn him into someone so callous?  It was just another reminder that much had changed since I’d been gone.

I propped my elbows on the conference table, thinking.  In reality, I was stalling.  I knew I’d have to ask Kasumi to return the box to me.  I regretted going back on my word, but in light of the circumstances, it seemed unavoidable.

Finally, I forced myself onto my feet.  As I made my way to the observation deck that Kasumi had made her temporary quarters, I played through what I might say.  I decided the best course of action was to tell her the truth.

As I stood in front of her door, the realization of what I was about to do came crashing down on me.  After all of our efforts and how close we came to being killed, it didn’t seem fair for the box to be destroyed, for Kasumi to lose a piece of the man she loved.

I walked into her quarters to see her standing in front of the large observation window.  Pinpoints of light twinkled in the velvet blackness of the cosmos.  At the sound of my arrival, she turned to face me, her eyes wet.  Seeing her this way broke my heart.  I knew that if I hesitated, I would falter.

“Kasumi, I’m so sorry.  Something’s happened and I…we need to destroy the box.  I trust you; I know you wouldn’t use it for your own gain.  But it’s not just the information that’s dangerous.  You loved a man so incredible, so talented, that even his innovations to safeguard that information can be used against others.”

It wasn’t what I had planned on saying.  I held my breath, waiting for her reaction.

“Shepard.”  Kaidan’s voice made me jump.  I had been so intent on Kasumi that I hadn’t noticed his presence.  But there he was, sitting at her small desk against the wall.  In front of him was the box, mangled almost beyond recognition.

I picked up the punctured lump of metal and held it in my hands.  Kaidan was still gripping his military-grade knife as he sat, unmoving, lost in his own thoughts.  Behind me, I heard Kasumi begin to sob.

Before long, I could feel hot tears streaming down my own face.  We had all lost so much.  Even after doing the best we knew how, even after giving everything we had at our own expense, it never seemed like enough.  Through blurred vision, I could see Kaidan’s shoulders begin to shake.  He cradled his head in his hands and wept, the desk lamp illuminating the tears that fell. 

It struck me that I had never seen Kaidan cry.  In my mind’s eye, he was always strong, confident, yet gentle and sensitive all at the same time.  Seeing him this way made me wonder how many tears he had shed over the course of two years because of me.  I wrapped my arms around him.  I didn’t know what else I could do, but I wanted him to know that I was there for him.

I felt Kasumi’s hand squeeze my shoulder.  “Kaidan told me what happened.  We decided together that the box had to be dismantled.”  She laughed through her tears.  “You should have seen him going at that thing.  I thought it was going to cut right through the desk to the deck below!”

To my relief, Kaidan chuckled.  “Who knew that stabbing a hunk of metal was so cathartic?”

I wiped the tears from my own cheeks.  “I’m truly sorry.  I know how much his memories meant to you.”

She smiled.  “I’ll be okay.  I’ve just been so preoccupied with getting the box, I hadn’t really grieved his death.  I know he’s gone, and having his memories isn’t going to bring him back.”

I hugged her.  “You’re a wise woman, Kasumi Goto.  I’m glad you’re on our team.”

She hugged back.  “If you don’t mind, I’d like to be alone for a while.”

Kaidan stood; they briefly shared a look of compassion and new-found respect for one another.  With a nod, I left.

I entered the elevator and selected the deck for my quarters.  Before the doors shut, I was surprised to see Kaidan join me.  “I thought you were staying in the med bay for the night.  It’s on this floor.”

He looked straight ahead, resolve in his voice.  “I know.  But I need to be able to reconcile what just happened with Hackett and how EDI is involved.  I’ll never get to sleep otherwise.  I know you’re tired.  Don’t worry, I won’t stay long.”

I was disheartened by his somewhat cold response, but I also knew he had a lot on his mind.  “Kaidan, I’m sorry about Hackett.”  I was concerned about him after everything he’d learned.  I needed to know that he’d be okay.

“Don’t apologize for that.  Everything I heard I needed to know, for myself.  I’m not naïve; I know the Alliance isn’t perfect.  Nothing is.  But by being a part of it, hopefully I can make it better.”

I reached out and squeezed his hand.  “You make everything you’re involved in better.”

He pulled away and hung his head.  “We need to talk.”

The elevator doors opened and he walked into my quarters.  I stood, motionless, for several seconds.  Judging by his attitude, I wasn’t looking forward to the conversation we were about to have.

As I walked into the loft, Kaidan had already taken a seat on the couch.  I sat across from him, trying to make myself somewhat comfortable in an incredibly uncomfortable situation.

After he took a few moments to gather his thoughts, he spoke.  “I’m going to be honest with you.  I owe you that much.”  He looked into my eyes.  “I care about you.  I always have.  And I know that whatever you set your mind to, you manage to achieve it regardless of the odds.  It’s something very special about you, and one of the reasons I fell in love with you when we served together.”

His face revealed his inner conflict.  “But your decision to be with Cerberus isn’t something I can support you in.  Regardless of what you said to Hackett, the Alliance is not Cerberus.  They don’t perform the kind of injustices Cerberus is known for.  And you can’t expect to get Cerberus’ help without having to give something back in return.  I’m worried about you because of that.”

I didn’t know how to respond.  I braced myself for what he was about to say next.  Somehow I knew this was going to end in goodbye.

He went on.  “What happened with Hackett doesn’t change the fact that you were against me on this mission.  How do I know you won’t be my opposition the next time we have to face each other?  I’m sorry Shepard, but I just can’t be with someone who’s not on my side.”

My heart was sinking.  After being so close to having him back, feeling him slip away hurt all the more.  “Kaidan, I am on your side.  Forget Cerberus and the Alliance.  We’re all fighting to save lives.  Honestly, if we succeed, I was planning on coming back to the Alliance.  But they made it clear that they wouldn’t help me in this, and I needed resources.  I hate Cerberus as much as you do, and I can’t stand the idea of working with them.  But despite all that, this is a noble crew with good intentions, and it’s made me realize that everything isn’t always black and white.”

He sighed.  “I’m not saying I don’t still have feelings for you.  I do.  I just need more time to sort through them after everything that’s happened.  Maybe when this is all over, we can see where things go, but for now…I don’t know, Shepard.” 

I nodded.  I was disappointed, but I respected him for telling me how he felt.  “I’ve always known you to be the type of person to take your time making decisions.  You never did things lightly, and that is one of the reasons I fell in love with you.  I don’t want you to go against what you believe in.  Just know that, if there’s a chance for us to be together, I’m going to fight for it.”

He gave a brief nod.  “Can we go on?  We still don’t have answers from your AI.”

I didn’t want our conversation to end this way, but I didn’t have much choice.  I tried to put my feelings aside and focus on solving the rest of this puzzle.

“EDI, we need to finish what you started before Joker interrupted us.  You said that you sent the encrypted message to the Alliance.  We need to know why.”

__

Chapter 18

Her voice filled the room, making the walls resonate.  “You spend large amounts of time ensuring loyalty from your crew.  Each one has an unresolved concern that you consider important to remove before they are functioning at 100% capacity for your purposes.”

That’s one way to put it.

She continued.  “However, there was no one to remove your personal conflict.”

I was perplexed to say the least.  “And how did you determine what my ‘personal conflict’ is?”

“I have access to all private terminals and communications aboard this ship.  Using correlations with your personal messages and multiple conversations held with crewmembers as data points, I concluded that you had unsettled affairs involving Commander Alenko.  Because one of my primary functions is to ensure the smooth operation of this ship and its crew, I arranged a resolution with the highest probability of success.”

I could feel myself blushing.  Kaidan raised his eyebrow questioningly and glanced over at me.  “Well, she didn’t have that many data points,” I retorted.  I had no idea what he might be thinking.

“Was I incorrect in my assumption, Commander Shepard?”

Did I just offend an AI?  “Well, I…suppose not.”  Kaidan’s quizzical stare was making me squirm.  “I mean, I guess my thoughts about Commander Alenko made me a bit distracted.”  I wanted to change the subject, and I was beginning to see where this was heading.  “So you somehow took it upon yourself to create a scenario where he and I would have to work together toward a common goal?”

“Correct.  According to all available data, there was an 89% probability you would both survive this mission, a 56% probability you would cooperate to secure the greybox, a 13% probability you would give the greybox to Commander Alenko, and a 47% probability of reconciliation.”

I rubbed the bridge of my nose.  All of this was starting to give me an astounding headache.  “A 13% probability I would give him the box?  That seems low.”

EDI supplied an explanation.  “Personality analysis shows that you are devoted to your crew and go to great lengths to follow through with promises you have made to them.  Once you committed to secure the greybox for Kasumi, the probability that you would change your decision, regardless of new input variables, was set at 13%.”

Why did I feel like EDI knew me better than I knew myself?  It was disconcerting.  “Why didn’t you alert me that you were planning this?”

Her voice never broke its purposefully tranquil cadence.  “Calculations indicate that all probabilities decreased if you were informed.”

Kaidan hadn’t budged.  I wondered how he was taking all of this.  “And you decided to tell me now because?”

“Your latest interactions with Commander Alenko decreased probability of reconciliation by 22%.  My explanation of events may mitigate this sharp decline.”

I looked at Kaidan.  “Well, what do you think.  Has it?” I joked.

EDI didn’t realize my question was rhetorical.  “No, Shepard.”

I laughed despite myself.  I held my head in my hands, and I laughed.  Maybe it was because I was tired, maybe because I had felt every other emotion already that day, but the thought that all we had been through had been carefully schemed by a damn AI just to see Kaidan and I kiss and make up was too much.  I think I just reached my limit.

I leaned back, letting my chuckling subside.  Kaidan didn’t seem to be as amused.  “EDI, how did you send the message to the Alliance, and how in the world were you able to make sure they actually did something with it?”

“Using the information from Commander Alenko’s communication entitled, ‘About Horizon,’ I was able to reply using the Normandy’s encrypted connection.  This encryption method matches the previous Normandy and was commonly used by you to contact Alliance command.”

Just when I thought it couldn’t get any better.  “You tricked the Alliance into assuming I sent them the message because you knew they’d take it seriously?”

“Correct.”

I can’t believe this. What EDI had done was blatantly out of line.  How do you teach an AI to have a conscience, to know the difference between right and wrong?  Hell, did I even always know the difference?

“Don’t you realize the risks involved in what you’ve done, EDI?  There’s more to the choices you make than just probability of success or failure.  I know this may be hard for you to understand, but what you did was wrong.  There are consequences for every action, things we have to live with now because of this.  You put people in danger.  I don’t condone it, and I order you to alert me to any such plans you hatch from now on.  Understood?”

EDI didn’t respond the way I expected.  “The probability of the Alliance obtaining the greybox was 4%, which is within proper risk tolerances.  The joint probability of successfully passing through the Omega 4 relay and surviving an attack on the Collector base carries a lower limit of 3% without resolution of your personal conflict and an upper limit of 11% as your focus increases.  An opportunity to enhance odds of survival by a factor of 3.6 justified my actions. Therefore, the consequences were acceptable.”

Is EDI arguing with me?  “I was looking for a simple ‘yes, Shepard.’”

“Yes, Shepard,” she replied.

Kaidan suddenly relaxed his defensive posture.  “You’re going to do what? You can’t seriously be considering entering the Omega 4 relay.” He reacted for the first time since EDI had spoken, worry showing in his face.

I shrugged.  “It’s the only way to stop the Collectors.  We have to hit them on their own turf and take them out at the source.  That means going through the relay.  I know it’s probably a one-way trip.  I’ve made my peace with that.”

He stood and pulled me to my feet.  “I haven’t!  Why didn’t you tell me this?  This is unacceptable.  You need to find another way.  If I get you a meeting with Alliance brass, I’m sure you can convince them to help you.  We’ll go to each human colony and set up defenses.  We’ll…”

“Kaidan, stop.”  I put my hands on his chest.  “There isn’t another way.”

His voice disclosed his desperation. “But I can’t lose you again!  Not now, not after I realized that…” He hesitated.

“Not after you realized what?” I nudged.

He put his hands on my waist and drew me to toward him.  “While EDI was explaining what happened and why she did all this, I realized that this could be the last time I ever see you.  I don’t want our time together to end in tension between us, not like on Horizon.”  I felt his grip on my waist tightening.  “Damn it, Shepard, I still love you.  I’ve always loved you.  Allowing myself to feel this way about you was a serious decision I made two years ago, and I can’t change it.  I don’t want to.”  His face softened.  “Look, forget what I said.  It was stupid and idealistic.  Cerberus and the Alliance may be on different sides, but we don’t have to be, especially after everything that’s happened.  I’ve treated you like the enemy.”  He rested his forehead on mine.  “Do you forgive me?”

I smiled.  “Forgiven.  But I’m worried about you.  Are you sure you don’t need more time to think all of this through?”

He shook his head.  “I was selfish, defensive.  If I admitted to myself that I still loved you, it meant going through hell again if something were to happen to you.”  His gaze fell as his voice faltered.  “And I don’t just hate Cerberus because of their reputation.  I hate them for being the ones to save you when I couldn’t.  It took a long time to forgive myself for what happened that day on the Normandy.  I should never have left your side.”

I lifted his chin up and looked into his eyes.  “Kaidan, if you would have stayed by me, you would have died, too.  You did the right thing.  You saved lives that day by helping the crew evacuate.  If it weren’t for you, many more people would have been lost.  You said before that you want to move forward, not look back.  It’s been two years.  I want to move forward, too, and I’d like to do it with you.”

He held my gaze.  “Promise me you’ll do everything in your power to survive.  Losing you is not an option for me.”

I caressed his cheek.  “You know me.  I don’t give up.  I promise, I will do whatever it takes to come out of this alive.  And right after this mission is over, I’m going to come tell you all about it.”

He hugged me warmly.  I wrapped my arms around his shoulders, reveling in the strength that always seemed to radiate from him.

“Shepard, can you do me a favor?”

“Anything.”

“Before I head back to my crew, do you think you could find me a different shirt?”

I laughed.  “I’ll make you a deal.  We’ll find you something sans Cerberus logo in the morning, and in the meantime, you don’t have to wear that one to bed with me.”

His grin broke into a full smile.  “How generous of you.”

“You know, Kaidan, those med bay beds are a killer on the back.”

“Are they?”

I led him by the hand to the edge of my bed and pulled back the covers.  “If you have only one night on the Normandy, would you consider spending it with me?”

He pulled off his shirt and threw it on a nearby chair.  “I was hoping you’d ask.”

He leaned in and kissed me deeply, unzipping the back of my uniform.  The coolness of the air held a sharp contrast to the feeling of his bare skin pressed against mine.  I climbed into the inviting softness of the sheets and watched him undress.  The soft glow of the stars above was the only light I could see him by.  As he lay down beside me, I rested my head on his chest.  I wanted to savor this moment, taking in every detail.  His smell, his fingers through my hair, his steady heartbeat, everything. As much as I wanted to stay awake, my exhaustion began to overtake me.  I relaxed in his embrace, realizing I hadn’t lost as much as I had feared after all.

A familiar voice broke the silence.  “My recalculations have shown the probability of reconciliation is now 92%.”

“EDI?”

“Yes, Commander Shepard?”

“Thank you.  Now stop talking.”

“Of course, Shepard.”

I nuzzled closer, kissing him one last time before I resigned myself to sleep.  In my dimly lit quarters, I could just make out the outline of his smile.  I was finally where I belong – in Kaidan’s arms.

Ending credits and Encounter theme song:

Fix You by Coldplay

When you try your best, but you don't succeed
When you get what you want, but not what you need
When you feel so tired, but you can't sleep
Stuck in reverse

And the tears come streaming down your face
When you lose something you can't replace
When you love someone, but it goes to waste
Could it be worse?

Lights will guide you home
And ignite your bones
And I will try to fix you

And high up above or down below
When you're too in love to let it go
But if you never try you'll never know
Just what you're worth

Lights will guide you home
And ignite your bones
And I will try to fix you

Tears stream down on your face
When you lose something you cannot replace
Tears stream down on your face
And I...

Tears stream down on your face
I promise you I will learn from my mistakes
Tears stream down on your face
And I...

Lights will guide you home
And ignite your bones
And I will try to fix you.

The End.

 __

This is it, the final act; no more cliffhangers. I have a small taste of what the cast of ME3 must have felt like when they did their final scenes.

Please, please comment! I'm literally dying to know what you think about how I ended this story.